Bananas are not:
   - going extinct
   - poisonous when frozen,
   - hallucinogenic when smoked,
   - going to kill us all.

They are also, however, not without secrets.

You’ve just delivered your punch line, and wish to inform the audience it’s time to laugh. How many beats should your drummer knock out?

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Who owns the Stanley Cup? Not necessarily the NHL. The cup’s trustees, appointed by Lord Stanley in 1892, may have lacked the authority to put the NHL in charge. If that’s the case, the cup could still be awarded this year, to a team meeting the regulations first laid out by Stanley. The NHL maintains this is nonsense. But championing the cause of cup-hungry (Canadian) hockey fans is the Free Stanley Organization. They want to liberate the Stanley Cup from the exclusive control of the NHL, and award it to the best team playing hockey in Canada, per Lord Stanley’s original intent. With emphasis on playing.

Kobayashi wins another eating contest, this one the Krystal Square Off, 2004 [flash]. He won by eating 69 Krystal mini-burgers (Krystal: White Castle clone for the Southern man.)

In other news: Hardee’s just released the monster thickburger (so big, they had to invent a word.) It’s a 1420-calorie beast… And at only 160 calories each, you’d need nearly 9 Krystal mini-burgers to do the same damage to your system.

Put another way, Kobayashi managed to eat just 7.8 monster thickburgers. Poser.

In other news: The Hamdog consists of one hotdog, wrapped in cheese, rolled in ground beef, then deep-fried and topped with bacon, onions, chili, and, just to shave one more month off your life, a fried egg.

U.S. citizenship is required for voting today, but it’s completely optional for election day drinking games:

  • The offical Election Day Drinking Game (only ’cause they got the URL).
  • The non-partisan competitive Election Night drinking game.
  • Throwing up for Nader.
  • If someone passes out, they lose. Last one standing wins the election.
  • NOTE: International drinking rules may apply.

    Stay current as events develop in the Ashlee Simpson - SNL lipsync debacle. (My contribution in the comments)
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    You have Michael Moore’s permission to abuse Mark Perkel’s bandwidth: Download Fahrenheit 9/11 Here

    Seen this box from Pizza Pizza?
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    N.W.A.’s 1990 track “100 Miles and Runnin’” samples the opening riff from an old Funkadelic song. The 2 second riff is barely audible, buried under Dre’s signature breakbeat, a mess of hats and shakers, and an angry M.C. Ren. Nevertheless, this asinine decision by a U.S. Appeals court held that a 2 second sample can constitute copyright infringement. It’s a nonsense ruling, and it has a lot of folk worried about the chilling effect the decision could have on rap and hip hop. (Imagine this decision 15 years ago in a world without “Paul’s Boutique” and “It Takes a Nation of Millions…”).

    Protesting bogus copyright law is the forte of Downhill Battle. This time around they’ve launched the site “Three Notes and Runnin’, with the help of Michael Bell-Smith, to highlight the ridiculous standard set by the Court’s decision. Contributors rework the Funkadelic sample, creating new songs that stretch the public’s perception of sampling.

    Here’s my contribution to the cause. (I call it Sad State of Affairs, which I think sums things up.) As with the other participants, I’m technically violating this new copyright law: every sound in the track was produced using only the audio in the aforementioned clip.

    There’s an official version of Yeti Sports, which most people call Smack the Penguin. And there are many unofficial versions, modified so the penguin goes farther; much farther; so far he hasn’t stopped yet. There’s also a high-score board, and the inevitable fan art.

    It’s not, however, the only way to beat on penguins with a yeti. And it’s definitely not the only way to abuse a penguin with your computer. You can also:

    Poke the penguin.
    Shoot the penguin.
    Fling the penguin about space.

    You can even use the penguin to learn English. And when you’ve finished all that, you can play the original penguin game, no quarters required.

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